There are some times that ya just gotta say what needs to be said, and today is one of those days.
Pastor Andy preached on Luke 7, and the woman with the alabaster box.
This woman was of ill repute, and the others at the party despised her.
Have you ever wondered how she came to be this kind of a woman? What caused her to think so little of herself that she did those things that got her that reputation?
I have wondered, and I sure hope that you have too. It started with her home life as a child.
Rick Thomas stated that no parent wants their child to become involved in porn. The problem is that many of us do not understand the allurement of porn and how our unintentional behavior can help shape a child that craves something that could develop into a life of slavery.
Porn is not about the physical body of the woman, but the insatiable cravings of a man’s mind. The theater of the mind is where he can be king for a day and not risk rejection.
Porn is a secret world of lust. The seeds of lust can be planted into a child’s mind way before it starts growing in his heart. Each person is tempted, lured, and enticed by his desires. It births sin and can even bring about death. It may take years for these things to happen.
According to Rick Thomas, there are five surefire ways to motivate your child to use pornography. These steps may be such that the child and even the parents may not realize how the child was shaped wrongly.
Number one is a non-romantic marriage. This porn training is that only certain women are porn-worthy. The Christian home should be a sexual home because God said that sex was good. It is not something that we should be ashamed about.
A big characteristic of a porn-trained mind is that some people are worthy to be lusted after, and others are not.
Every single woman in America knows what kind of woman is worthy, and that is why they obsess over how they look, what they weigh, what they wear, and are horrified of getting old.
Every woman wants to be worthy of her husband’s attention, and they want to be desired. A husband who does not romantically pursue his wife is telling his kids that she is not worthy of being pursued. She does not fit the mold, and she is not attractive.
Also, the TV commercials and movies that fill our kids’ minds helps to establish what kind of beauty is worthy of their gaze. Our children need to be taught that the relationship between their mom and dad is what is beautiful.
In 1 Peter 3, it says that we should not let our adorning be external, but to look at the beauty of the spirit which is precious.
The husband and wife need to hug and kiss a lot and show love so that the kids can learn a Biblical view of love.
Holding hands, dancing in the living room, and hugging are beautiful examples of who and what is worthy of a man’s love.
The number two rule is instant gratification. The porn training is that cyber women are downloadable and extinguishable.
WAKE UP CALL: The spoiled child who gets everything that he wants is a perfect candidate for porn training. Too many kids have not heard the word NO. They are given everything they desire.
Most kids not only expect to have their needs met, but also their desires. When a child runs the home and is given everything that they ever wanted, there is nothing to stop them from getting into porn if the opportunity arises. And it will!
Did you know that in a recent survey of young adults, 2 out of 3 agreed that porn viewing was acceptable, and 86% of the men used porn?
Look at this, a spoiled child gets what he wants with no regard for right or wrong, and the porn addict gets what he wants with no regard for right or wrong.
We cannot possibly think that we can spoil a child and that child won’t grow up to be a spoiled adult.
The third thing to lead your child into porn is non-communicative couples. The porn training rule is that married couples communicate less and less, and that is a requirement for porn enjoyment.
To not communicate is the perfect setup for the porn trainee because there is no verbal communication. It is about enjoying the viewing of women to set the mind free.
A porn addict’s heart is about privatized self-centeredness. It’s a guy isolating himself to watch a video.
The non-communicative couple is tied to self-centeredness. They are married, but live their own separate lives.
Their kids are trained in the devaluing of words and of the opposite sex. A man who does not talk to his wife is sending the message loud and clear that she is not worthy of his words.
Rick Thomas says that nothing devalues a woman more that pornography.
The female is an object for the purpose of being used in slavish way for the putrid mind of a man. No communication.
Men, your children need to see that you value your wife by giving her your best words. Words that build up, cherish, and adore your wife.
Build her up before your children.
Teach your children how to build up others by their words.
Step four is NO consequences for actions. The porn training is teaching a false confidence through a risk-free relationship. A child who does not have to pay for what he has done wrong will learn how to get away with anything. This is a major characteristic of a porn addict.
Children must have a comprehensive view of love which means they must be appropriately disciplined when they do wrong. The spoiled child who suffers little consequences will have a low regard for rules and authority.
Porn has no rules and little risk. A child who knows that he can get away with anything is easy prey for the tentacles of pornography.
We can show grace and mercy, but we must not let kids get away with sin.
We need to have clear sin categories and our children must know where the line has been drawn.
It is a matter of respect for God and His Word. There is a right or wrong. The porn addict does not have this respect. The lines are blurred.
Many porn addicts have a low view of God and His Law. They just don’t care because they have not been made to care.
One of the ways that you can discern this in your child is by how he respect his brothers and sisters and his mom. When a child pushes his parent, he is stretching the boundaries of honor, respect, kindness, and Biblical love.
Number five is to have a critical community in the home. The porn training is that criticism and anger are the most common ways that we devalue others. If you were to assess your home, is it a critical community? Is there more encouragement, praise, affirmation, and love, or is there more frustration, impatience, criticalness, and self-centeredness?
The porn world is where people go to escape the reality of life. It is risk-free where the porn addict can control what goes on.
If the home is not a refuge of encouragement, your child will be tempted to find refuge in other places.
Porn is one of the easiest places for him to get lost. It gives him satisfying power that he cannot find in his real world.
Once his conscience is appropriately hardened, he is home-free, according to his self-deception. The best antidote for this is to create a culture of encouragement in the home.
The porn-trained kid does not happen on purpose, but by default if parents are not attuned to the kind of home they have created. Kids respond to what the parent is providing for them.
My question: What are we exporting to our kids? We are exporting something. We can humbly examine our mind and behavior, and then we can change it.
We can make those changes, and then plan on being surprised by God.
God’s Word is true, and He gives favor to the humble. James 4:6
Jan Allbritton is a Diboll resident who teaches at St. Cyprian’s Episcopal School.